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    • CommentAuthornanny north
    • CommentTimeJan 10th, 2010 3:19pm (Jan 10th 2010)
    I must get my new year diet started, anyone like to start with me?

    Here are a few simple rules to get us started......

    Rules For Diet

    If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

    If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.

    When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more than they do.

    Food use for medicinal purposes never count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast, and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

    If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

    Movie related foods, such as popcorn, Mints, toffees and boiled sweets do not have additional calories because they are part of the entire entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.

    Cooky pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie leakage.

    Things licked off of knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Example: peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich, and ice cream on a spoon making a sundae.

    Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are spinach and pistachio ice cream, and mushrooms and white chocolate. NOTE: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.
    • CommentTimeJan 10th, 2010 3:45pm (Jan 10th 2010)
    I think its about time I started dieting NN - sign me up!!
    • CommentAuthornanny north
    • CommentTimeJan 10th, 2010 3:58pm (Jan 10th 2010) edited
    Ok Kate we will see who else wants to sign up and then we will set a date for us all to start. We neededn't say how much we weigh to start with just how much we loose or dont loose each week. What do you think?
      CommentAuthorchief chicken
    • CommentTimeJan 10th, 2010 4:09pm (Jan 10th 2010)
    I'm going to have a cake...
    • CommentAuthornanny north
    • CommentTimeJan 10th, 2010 5:01pm (Jan 10th 2010)
    So will I before we start Ha ha
    • CommentTimeJan 10th, 2010 11:56pm (Jan 10th 2010)
    Oh, I have no intention of actually losing any weight, just of using those principles to eat lots of inappropriate food!!!
    • CommentAuthorTrevs Mum
    • CommentTimeJan 11th, 2010 1:08am (Jan 11th 2010)
    NN that is excellent let's do it!!! A friend says to me that Chocolate is one of the major food groups! what do you think?

    Recently when out for coffee my husband asked the waitress for a 'diet water'. She looked puzzled for a moment then burst out laughing. Luckily we know her quite well so she took the joke ok.
    • CommentAuthorLynnW
    • CommentTimeJan 11th, 2010 8:01am (Jan 11th 2010)
    With that diet, NN..I'll join you too.
    • CommentAuthornanny north
    • CommentTimeJan 11th, 2010 1:34pm (Jan 11th 2010)
    Ha ha I like the idea of diet water thats a good one. I made some diet soup today for my lunch. It is real nice and only half a point on weight watchers. I am going to weigh myself on Thursday and make a proper start then.
      CommentAuthorchief chicken
    • CommentTimeJan 11th, 2010 3:14pm (Jan 11th 2010)
    You should drink Irish coffee, as it contains the 4 major food groups; cream, alcohol, sugar, caffeine.
    • CommentAuthornanny north
    • CommentTimeJan 11th, 2010 5:58pm (Jan 11th 2010)
    I used to love Irish coffee but can not have the alcohol nowadays I am afraid. I must admit I get fed up sometimes as there is so many things I can not have and then to diet on top of it all is like the final insult !!!
      CommentAuthorchief chicken
    • CommentTimeJan 11th, 2010 8:04pm (Jan 11th 2010)
    Well don't diet, then!
    • CommentAuthornanny north
    • CommentTimeJan 11th, 2010 8:06pm (Jan 11th 2010)
    I got to CC I am turning into a real lard arse
      CommentAuthorchief chicken
    • CommentTimeJan 11th, 2010 8:08pm (Jan 11th 2010)
    Don't call it dieting then - that's fatal! Just modify your eating habits...:)
    • CommentAuthornanny north
    • CommentTimeJan 11th, 2010 8:12pm (Jan 11th 2010)
    I am too long in the tooth now to try and fool myself !!!! I am going to try to excercise more this time.
    • CommentAuthorollie in UK
    • CommentTimeFeb 1st, 2010 9:13pm (Feb 1st 2010)
    This thread didn't get very far then....
    • CommentAuthornanny north
    • CommentTimeFeb 1st, 2010 9:16pm (Feb 1st 2010)
    No a shame still I am doing it by myself so haven't let it get me down.
    • CommentAuthorShobhna
    • CommentTimeFeb 3rd, 2010 8:38am (Feb 3rd 2010)
    well....I think about dieting. Does that help :-)
    • CommentAuthornanny north
    • CommentTimeFeb 4th, 2010 3:26pm (Feb 4th 2010)
    Not really
      CommentAuthorchief chicken
    • CommentTimeFeb 4th, 2010 5:52pm (Feb 4th 2010)
    We'll egg you on though...:D
    • CommentAuthorShobhna
    • CommentTimeFeb 5th, 2010 2:14pm (Feb 5th 2010)
 about I tell you that I am not eating any chocolates or crisps this year.
    was going to ban the wine too but the resolution lasted 5 days. :-)

    Oh, and you can send me the surplus wine you can't drink. :-) Does that help? :-)
    • CommentAuthorTracyB
    • CommentTimeFeb 5th, 2010 6:47pm (Feb 5th 2010)
    I haven't smoked since 29th December, and I've started to diet this week, porridge for breakfast with skimmed milk, (trying to aclimatize myself to the wallpaper paste taste) chicken or tuna salad for lunch, couple of WW biscuits in the afternoon meal with Gary in the evening. No Choc, no crisps for me either, trying to drink slimlilne tonic and sugare free squash, which seems to give me the sweetness rather than full fat coke. (can't drink diet drinks they are horrible)
      CommentAuthorchief chicken
    • CommentTimeFeb 5th, 2010 7:41pm (Feb 5th 2010)
    Skimmed milk??? Like white watercolour paint...:ack2:
    • CommentAuthornanny north
    • CommentTimeFeb 5th, 2010 7:55pm (Feb 5th 2010)
    You soon get used to it CC I don't care for whole milk now. I gave up smoking four years ago and thats when I started putting on weight I hardly eat anything but I love fruit and veg. My daughter in law says I don't eat enough and my body stores up fat because of that.
    • CommentAuthorTracyB
    • CommentTimeFeb 5th, 2010 8:09pm (Feb 5th 2010)
    don't tell me I'm gogin to put on more weight. I know mum's been poorly but it comes to somehtign when your mum weights a stone less than you do and your dad weighs less as well. T.
    • CommentAuthornanny north
    • CommentTimeFeb 5th, 2010 8:16pm (Feb 5th 2010)
    I always used to be so slim and never ever had to watch what I ate. I get so annoyed sometimes as I never eat bread or cakes, yet I always make bread and cakes for hubby and Jay.
    • CommentAuthorTracyB
    • CommentTimeFeb 5th, 2010 8:19pm (Feb 5th 2010)
    I make Gary cake sometimes on a Sunday and he takes it in to work and shares it with his PA and project managers. Banana and hazlenut loaf is thier favourite apparently.
    • CommentAuthornanny north
    • CommentTimeFeb 5th, 2010 8:27pm (Feb 5th 2010)
    Mine like any but marmalade cake is their fav at the moment.
    • CommentAuthorTracyB
    • CommentTimeFeb 5th, 2010 8:30pm (Feb 5th 2010)
    We've done OPen Gardens under the national garden sheme for a few years now and its a monster job tryign to get all the cakes baked and iced etc etc. THe guys I used to work at Tesco were always very excited about the Monday after we were open as they new I'd be bringing left overs in.
    • CommentAuthornanny north
    • CommentTimeFeb 5th, 2010 8:44pm (Feb 5th 2010)
    Ha ha typical men bit like the hens looking for a treat Ha ha
      CommentAuthorchief chicken
    • CommentTimeFeb 5th, 2010 9:23pm (Feb 5th 2010)
    I made Eric caraway cake. And he ate it. And he LIVED!!!!:)
    Tracy, you only need to worry when you weigh the same/more as your mum AND dad combined...
    I'm on steroids and my thyroid's point dieting! I'll cheer you on though, NN!
    • CommentTimeFeb 5th, 2010 11:00pm (Feb 5th 2010)
    I haven't had curry for over a week (because of the colonoscopy and the restricted diet they give you) and even thought it smelt great, I didn't feel so good afterwards - don't think my stomach had quite acclimatised back to spicy food - not that I eat that much. Prefer good old egg and chips!

    Oh, and I agree with CC about skimmed milk. And if anyone wants to send all those crisps and chocolate and cake you've given up, send them my way!
    • CommentAuthornanny north
    • CommentTimeFeb 6th, 2010 5:02pm (Feb 6th 2010)
    I got two gannets in my house that don't leave nothing so sorry folk what I don't eat they sure do.
    • CommentAuthorShobhna
    • CommentTimeFeb 8th, 2010 1:20pm (Feb 8th 2010)
    My Ma weighs 6 1/2 stones so there is no way I'm ever going to get down to that weight.
    I maintain I am eating for her. :-)
    • CommentAuthorTracyB
    • CommentTimeFeb 16th, 2010 9:24pm (Feb 16th 2010)
    I can remember weighing 6.5 but I haveto say I wasn't very well at the time. Long distance memories now.
      CommentAuthorchief chicken
    • CommentTimeFeb 17th, 2010 5:43pm (Feb 17th 2010)
    I think one of my legs might weigh six and a half stone...:\
    • CommentAuthornanny north
    • CommentTimeFeb 17th, 2010 7:52pm (Feb 17th 2010)
    OH CC, it can not be that bad, well we love you no matter how big they are.
    • CommentAuthornanny north
    • CommentTimeFeb 20th, 2010 3:10pm (Feb 20th 2010)
    Got banned from the co-op Didn't like shopping there anyway

    Yesterday I was at my local CO-OP buying a large bag of Purina dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

    What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that
    no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I
    ended up in hospital last time, but that I'd lost 2 stones before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

    I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.

    (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)

    Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's bottom and a car hit us both.

    I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

    I'm now banned from the Co-op.

    Better watch what you ask retired people.
    They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.
      CommentAuthorchief chicken
    • CommentTimeFeb 20th, 2010 5:07pm (Feb 20th 2010)
    Hah! :D The one I heard was the woman who fed her husband on Pedigree Chum even though the shopkeeper told her it coulfd kill him. Next week she goes in but buys no Pedigree Chum because her husband's dead. 'Told you so,' said the shopkeeper. 'No, it wasn't the food; he was sitting in the middle of the road licking his bum when a bus hit him...'
    • CommentAuthorollie in UK
    • CommentTimeFeb 20th, 2010 5:16pm (Feb 20th 2010)
    NN. This is hilarious!!

    Congratulations on behalf of all oldies on here.
    • CommentAuthornanny north
    • CommentTimeFeb 20th, 2010 5:26pm (Feb 20th 2010)
    Ha ha thought you would like it, your version is good as well CC.
    • CommentAuthorleevaux
    • CommentTimeFeb 20th, 2010 6:33pm (Feb 20th 2010)
    You Girls crack me up thats great NN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    • CommentAuthornanny north
    • CommentTimeFeb 20th, 2010 6:48pm (Feb 20th 2010)
    storming joke isn't it
    • CommentAuthorTrevs Mum
    • CommentTimeFeb 21st, 2010 3:57am (Feb 21st 2010)
    oh NN I thought you really did say that in the queue, that is hilarious,:lol::rofl::cheer:
    You shouldnt be banned you should be employed by them to tell a 'joke a day' as laughter therapy would be excellent for all the customers!!!!
    • CommentAuthornanny north
    • CommentTimeFeb 21st, 2010 9:20am (Feb 21st 2010)
    Glad you enjoyed it Trevs Mum and hope it took your mind of your aches and pains for a while. How are you feeling now have all the bruises come out. You will probably have a lot of deep ones and they hurt the most.
    • CommentAuthorTrevs Mum
    • CommentTimeFeb 22nd, 2010 5:59am (Feb 22nd 2010)
    Bruises = lots, went to physio today, back to the pool for me to do some gentle leg movement and still need to carry a cushion around with me for the sore coccyx. Feel like a right old dag, I do.
    Brian is still sleeping in the 'insomnia' room as I wriggle too much and can't get comfy at night, he got tired of my gymnastics.:grubby_duck::turkeydance::boogie:
    • CommentAuthornanny north
    • CommentTimeFeb 22nd, 2010 4:54pm (Feb 22nd 2010)
    Ohhh poor you T/M don't let it get you down we all love you xx